The dating blog has been silent for a while now - but oh, have we been busy! While Nostrand has found herself a REAL man through a mutual friend (and I approve!), I have also found myself straying from the confines of online dating.
The idea of online dating has always been a strange concept to me. We spend our entire childhood learning to be an individual - discovering our interests, strengths, weaknesses, and ultimately determining which direction we'll point our sails when we're ceremoniously shoved out of the nest after graduation. With that being said, it seems logical to make a list of one's qualifications and desires in order to determine the perfect mate. Once we've figured out our own interests, it's just a matter of finding someone else that's on the same page… and half of the battle is taken care of when everyone at the party is there for the same reason, right?If you haven't picked up on my subtle sarcasm, you should know that I have an issue with this. Yes, there are a lot of "fish in the sea," but narrowing it down to a dating site makes it an awfully small pool. Secondly, I don't think I am qualified to decide what I want and need in a partner - at least not in a checklist. Go back through your college psych notes to that old Johari Window diagram - being on a dating site is like secluding yourself to one single window. I know a lot about myself - I know what I like, and who I enjoy being around. But who - and what - am I missing by judging only on my own preferences? If that's all I have to go on, what type of person will I end up being with - and what type of person will I end up becoming?
This is the real question: Why do we date? Is it a fear of being alone? A desire for companionship? An animalistic need for a physical relationship? I've dated for all of the above reasons, and I have found myself hopelessly empty and longing for more at the end of each one. Something compelled me at the age of fifteen to decide that I needed to find a boyfriend. Well, "something," being hormones, peer pressure and my small-town view of society's expectations. So I picked a guy and tried my hardest to make him have feelings for me. And with a little bit of practice on a few more test subjects, I got pretty good at it. The unfortunate part about this talent is that the results are consistent. I've been the "heartbreaker" enough times to realize that perhaps my judgement is off - and perhaps my approach has been all wrong. But maybe those years of "practice" have been just that - breaking past those comfort zone barriers has brought me to where I am now, with the Disney princess realization: I want more. With just half of the time and energy I poured into those relationships, who knows what I could be doing right now? Maybe I could have been motivated to get my graduate degree, or join the peace corps, or become an astronaut. I'm not one to question what "could have been" - so I will take it as a present-tense lesson. There is still time. I am still hopeful that I'll find a love that will meet up with my expectations someday, and I realize now that he isn't going to be a picture on a profile. In fact, he may not look anything like the perfect, manly lumberjack I have in mind right now.
From now on, I'm going rogue. Screw the expectations that a single girl should be going on dates. When I'm compelled to ask a guy out, I'll do it. But from now on, I will not be compelled by a checklist. That's just downright boring.
